Supporting LGBTQ+ teenagers

LGBTQ+ young people can carry an extra layer of stress 

Adolescence already brings a lot – friendships, body changes, attraction, belonging, independence.
But for LGBTQ+ young people, there’s often something extra running underneath it all. They’re also working out who they are and whether it’s safe to be open about it.

They might be asking themselves: who can I trust with this? What will people think? What happens if I get it wrong?
This constant second-guessing can be exhausting. But it’s important to be clear on one thing: being LGBTQ+ isn’t what makes life difficult. It’s rejection, judgement and other negative reactions that cause the strain.

When those pressures aren’t there, LGBTQ+ young people tend to do just as well as anyone else.

The emotional role of friendships

Teenagers don’t choose friends just because they enjoy being together. Friendships often meet deeper needs too.

A group may help a young person fit in when they’re not feeling great about themselves. A close friendship may give someone a sense of security when they worry about being left out. A very intense friendship may give a young person a sense of being chosen, needed or understood.

None of this automatically makes a friendship unhealthy. But it does help explain why a young person may cling tightly to a group or find it hard to step back even when, from the outside, the relationship doesn’t seem to be good for them.
It helps to ask not only, “Is this friend good or bad?” but also, “What is this friendship giving my child right now?”

The added worries they may be carrying

LGBTQ+ teenagers face things their peers don’t have to think about.

• Worrying about being rejected by family or friends
• Being singled out, excluded or bullied
• Dealing with online comments or harassment
• Being pulled between who they are and what their culture or religion expects
• Questioning themselves or carrying shame
• Feeling they have to explain or justify who they are
• Hearing negative or hostile views in the media
• Hiding parts of themselves to avoid trouble

These minority stresses mean that a throwaway comment, a joke or a newspaper headline can knock an LGBTQ+ teenager back. Things that seem small to others can hit hard.

Identity isn’t something to rush

All teenagers experiment with who they are. For LGBTQ+ young people, this might involve:

• Trying different labels.
• Going back and forth on how they see themselves.
• Being clear one minute and unsure the next.
• Wanting to talk a lot about what they’re going through – or not at all.

Going backwards and forwards like this isn’t a problem that needs fixing. You’re not there to decide who they are. What helps is giving them space to figure things out in their own way, without any pressure to land on a final answer.

Coming out and being open

Some young people choose to be open. Others don’t. Both are valid. For those who do come out, it doesn’t usually happen all at once. It can happen again and again – with friends, family, school, work.
You can help by:

• Letting them decide who knows and when.
• Not sharing their identity without permission.
• Talking through possible reactions together.
• Helping them prepare for tricky conversations.
• Being there after something difficult happens

If something negative happens, it helps to be clear about the behaviour. Telling your child it “wasn’t okay” and that they “didn’t deserve it” helps separate who they are from how they were treated.

What makes home feel safe

Home can be the place that steadies everything – or adds to the strain. That doesn’t mean big gestures. It’s usually small things, done consistently, that matter.

• Being clear that your love is unconditional
• Challenging any language that’s dismissive or harmful
• Being aware of jokes or thoughtless comments at their expense
• Being interested in the friendships that matter to them.
• Showing, in quiet ways, that they belong

It’s natural to wonder, “If I go along with this, am I encouraging it?”. But you’re not creating an identity – you’re removing shame.

If you’re ever unsure, say things like, “I’m still getting my head round this, but I’m here.” and “Help me understand what it’s like for you.” Young people can handle you learning. What’s harder is feeling rejected.

Why acceptance matters so much

LGBTQ+ teenagers are more likely to struggle with things like low mood, anxiety or self-harm. But that isn’t because of who they are. It’s because of what they may be dealing with around them. What helps most is often quite simple:

• One accepting adult
• Friends who understand them
• Places where they’re not singled out
• Somewhere they can relax and be themselves

Even one person who’s steady and on their side can make a real difference.

Talking without making it heavy

Conversations about identity don’t need to be intense. What helps is listening more than you speak and not jumping straight to worst-case scenarios.

Ask what your child needs from you, rather than assuming. If they’re not ready to say much, come back to it later rather than pushing too hard.

It’s also worth thinking carefully about your own concerns around safety, the future or how others might react. If you come across as panicked, it’ll add to your child’s pressure. Sometimes it helps to process those elsewhere, so conversations at home can stay calm and steady.