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How we support young people who self-harm

Discovering that a young person is self-harming can be frightening and difficult to understand. The reasons are different for everyone. It may happen when emotional distress feels overwhelming, difficult to manage or hard to put into words. We help young people understand what’s happening, find safer ways to cope and explore what may be contributing – always taking their safety seriously.

At a glance

Self-harm means intentionally injuring or poisoning yourself. It can include cutting, scratching, burning, hitting yourself, interfering with wounds or taking an overdose.

It can be a way of coping with or expressing emotional distress, but there is rarely one simple explanation.

Self-harm does not always mean a young person wants to end their life, but it should always be taken seriously.

Shame, fear or worry about upsetting other people can make self-harm difficult to talk about or easy to miss.

Therapy can help young people understand their self-harm and develop safer ways of managing difficult feelings, while working alongside medical or other mental health support.

Questions parents and carers often ask

Why would my child deliberately hurt themselves?

Does self-harm mean my child is suicidal?

Should I ask them directly about self-harm?

Why do they keep self-harming even when they want to stop?

What should I do if I discover they’ve harmed themselves?

How can I support them without constantly watching them?

A closer look at self-harm

Self-harm can be difficult to understand because deliberately hurting yourself seems to go against the natural instinct to stay safe. The reasons can vary considerably. Self-harm may be connected to anxiety, low mood, shame, anger, bullying, difficult relationships, trauma, loss, pressure, identity or belonging. It may serve different purposes:

Managing emotions | Creating temporary relief when feelings become overwhelming or difficult to express.
Interrupting numbness or distress | Providing a break from feelings or thoughts that can seem hard to escape.
Creating a sense of control | Giving a young person something they can control when other parts of life feel uncertain or chaotic.

Self-harm can become a difficult cycle. Distress builds, self-harm may bring temporary relief, then feelings such as shame, guilt or disappointment can add to the distress that was already there.

This is one reason why asking a young person simply to promise they won’t do it again may not be enough. Understanding what happens before, during and after self-harm can help us begin to understand what they need instead.

Self-harm doesn’t necessarily mean that a young person wants to die. However, self-harm and suicidal thoughts can overlap, and anyone who is self-harming needs to be taken seriously and supported appropriately.

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Self-harm shouldn’t be dismissed as attention-seeking

One of the most common misconceptions is that self-harm is simply ‘attention-seeking’. In reality, many young people go to extraordinary lengths to hide their injuries, wearing long sleeves, avoiding swimming or withdrawing from situations where someone might notice.

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How Teenage Mental Health approaches self-harm

Safety comes first. We take self-harm seriously and consider whether there are immediate physical health concerns, safeguarding concerns or a need for additional medical or mental health support.

Young people self-harm for different reasons, so we always try to understand what’s happening around it. Therapy can then provide a safe, independent place for someone to explore thoughts and feelings they may have found difficult to share elsewhere, and look at what could help them cope differently.

We may help them to:

recognise situations, thoughts or feelings that can lead to an urge to self-harm
understand patterns around when and why self-harm happens
put difficult or overwhelming feelings into words
find safer ways of coping when distress becomes intense
reduce feelings of shame or self-criticism
think about what might help them stay safer during difficult moments

How we work depends on the young person, but broadly, our therapists draw on psychodynamic psychotherapy, integrative therapy, play therapy and CBT-informed approaches.

Self-harm can be frightening for parents and carers too. It can be difficult to know when to ask questions, how closely to monitor your child or what to do if you’re worried about their safety. Where appropriate, we can help families understand what their child may be experiencing and how best to support them, while keeping the young person’s therapy a safe space.

Ultimately, the aim is to understand why self-harm has become something they turn to and help them develop safer ways of managing whatever they’re struggling with.

When extra support may be needed

Get help with crisis support

Because self-harm carries physical risks and is also associated with an increased risk of suicide, it’s important to seek professional support if your child is self-harming or having thoughts about harming themselves, particularly if:

self-harm is becoming more frequent or severe
they have injuries or physical symptoms that need medical attention
they’re becoming increasingly withdrawn, distressed or unable to cope
self-harm is happening alongside significant anxiety, depression, eating difficulties or other mental health concerns
they talk about feeling hopeless, worthless, trapped or that life is not worth living
they have suicidal thoughts or talk about wanting to die
you are increasingly concerned about their immediate safety

If you believe your child is at immediate risk of seriously harming themselves or ending their life, seek urgent medical or emergency support.

Get help with crisis support

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