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How we support young people exploring sexuality and gender

Adolescence is often a time when young people think more deeply about who they are, who they’re attracted to and where they feel they belong. For some, questions around sexuality or gender feel straightforward. For others, they can bring uncertainty, worry or pressure. We give young people a safe space to explore these experiences without judgement or pressure to reach a particular conclusion.

At a glance

Exploring sexuality or gender can be a normal part of growing up and understanding yourself.

Sexuality and gender are different aspects of identity and aren’t necessarily connected.

A young person exploring their sexuality or gender doesn’t necessarily need therapy.

Distress may come from uncertainty, bullying, discrimination, family conflict or feeling unable to talk openly.

Therapy can provide space to explore thoughts and feelings without steering a young person towards or away from any particular identity.

Questions parents and carers often ask

Is it normal for a child to question their sexuality?

Why has the way my child describes their sexuality or gender changed?

Why don’t they want to talk to me about it?

Could bullying or discrimination be affecting how they feel?

How can therapy help them understand what they’re experiencing?

Why does my child seem distressed about their sexuality or gender?

A closer look at sexuality and gender

Sexuality broadly describes who someone may feel emotionally, romantically or sexually attracted to. Gender relates to a person’s sense of their own gender identity.

Both can form part of how someone understands themselves, but they are separate aspects of identity and one doesn’t determine the other.

Young people can arrive at an understanding of themselves in many different ways and at different times in their lives. What matters is that they have the space to think and talk without feeling pushed towards an answer.

What they tell you now should be taken seriously, while still allowing room for their understanding of themselves to develop over time.

Questions around sexuality or gender can also exist alongside other things happening in a young person’s life, such as anxiety, low mood, bullying, family difficulties or problems at school. These experiences don’t explain or cause someone’s identity, but they may affect how safe, confident or supported they feel while understanding themselves.

For parents and carers, that uncertainty can be difficult too. You may worry about saying the wrong thing or feel you need to have all the answers. Often, simply being willing to listen, staying curious and keeping the conversation open matters more than having the perfect response.

Thinking about therapy?

You don’t need to have everything figured out before getting in touch.

Get in touch

How Teenage Mental Health approaches sexuality and gender

We don’t decide who a young person is or steer them towards or away from any particular identity.

Therapy provides a safe, independent place to explore thoughts, feelings, relationships and questions about identity at their own pace. They may feel certain about who they are, still be working things out, or find that their understanding changes over time. All of those experiences can be explored without judgement.

We may help them to:

talk openly about sexuality, gender, relationships or identity
make sense of uncertainty or conflicting feelings
understand the impact of bullying, discrimination or pressure from other people
build confidence in expressing who they are
think through conversations with family, friends or school
manage anxiety, low mood or other difficulties that may be affecting their wellbeing

How we work depends on the young person. But broadly, our therapists draw on psychodynamic psychotherapy, integrative therapy, play therapy and CBT-informed approaches.

We also support parents and carers who may feel uncertain about how best to respond. And if a young person is also receiving specialist support elsewhere, our therapy can work alongside it.

Ultimately, the aim is to help a young person feel more confident in understanding and talking about who they are.

When extra support may be needed

Get help with crisis support

It may be helpful to seek professional support if your child is experiencing significant distress, conflict or pressure around sexuality or gender, particularly if they:

become increasingly anxious, withdrawn or low in mood
experience bullying, discrimination or social isolation
feel unable to talk openly about who they are
experience ongoing conflict with family, friends or school
feel under pressure to adopt or reject a particular identity
struggle to attend school or manage everyday activities
self-harm, feel hopeless or have suicidal thoughts

If you’re concerned that a young person has suicidal thoughts or may be at immediate risk of harm, seek urgent medical or emergency support.

Get help with crisis support

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